We are all numbers somewhere, identification numbers, statistic numbers, we are all counted. But my favourite numbers will always be the days I remember, the numbers in the dates I have forgotten but those days have numbers in my heart – the day I published my first book, the day I stood in the middle of an ancient stone circle for the first time and the day I was licked by a tiger and a lion. (some of those days you will find here on my blog).
This song is also about a number and is a great Iron Maiden cover done in the style of Rammstein. But we’re not going to dwell on the Number of The Beast. 666 is a number too many people are obsessed with… and personally, I find that overrated and boring.
And this week I have a bonus song: Count it as a bonus gift 😉 “Stand and be counted, Stand and be Seen”
monologues: a wolfie perspective on a So-called life
these are my thoughts, they are not right or wrong, they are mine.
“Turn your wounds into wisdom” Oprah
“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.” Richard Bach
People always have that Hollywood dream of, after going through times and tribulations, that scene where they drive off on a horse into the sunset and live happily ever after. People always have their own definitions of happiness. But life is not here to be happy every day or to one day have happiness forever – In reality, life is filled with situations that can wound us.
If we learn through those wounds and like Oprah said turn them into wisdom, we can find happiness. To me personally learning and attaining wisdom from bad situations can be a healing experience. Only you can make yourself happy. My life is not happy or sad. Every day I find a small happiness in a thought, sound, or something I see. Those little happy moments are precious. If you are lucky you might have a happy streak for a few days or weeks, but life happens. Remember 2020. During the lockdown, it was difficult to find happiness but we survived. Even in that global time of unhappiness, there were good times and little bursts of happiness.
Fulfillment is also a dream. It is not chasing a big goal, since life happens and pulls that fulfilment rug from under you. How many had their dream job and businesses and felt fulfilled until the lockdown of 2020 robbed them of that when their businesses failed and they lost jobs. Be true to yourself – can material pursuits really give fulfilment if they are so fragile? To me fulfilment is every kind word I give, every person I can help, even with limited resources. To give little smiles on someone’s face even with one of my poems. To reach someone briefly and give them joy. I have met some of the readers of my poetry who said that a poem of mine gave them courage or strength. Now that is fulfillment. Sharing my heart and it reaching another’s soul. A little moment of happiness…
Being true to yourself can bring happiness and fulfilment.
I am known for my love for goth music but I always had a love for reggae especially Bob Marley as well as some of the songs Sting did that had a reggae influence like “Love Is Stronger Than Justice (The Munificent Seven)” – From Sting’s album “Ten Summoner’s Tales” (my favourite Sting album ever), this song features reggae-style guitar riffs and rhythms, a good example.
I have always loved The Cure as well, which is seen as one of the major influences in The Goth as well as New Romantic music genres. It was interesting that someone went and made a reggae version of Lullaby by The Cure. It will ever be as good as The Cure’s original song, but I rather enjoy this interpretation of a goth classic.
On candy stripe legs the spiderman comes Softly through the shadow of the evening sun Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead Looking for the victim shivering in bed Searching out fear in the gathering gloom and Suddenly a movement in the corner of the room And there is nothing I can do When I realize with fright That the spiderman is having me for dinner tonight
Quietly he laughs and shaking his head Creeps closer now Closer to the foot of the bed And softer than shadow and quicker than flies His arms are all around me and his tongue in my eyes Be still be calm be quiet now my precious boy Don’t struggle like that or I will only love you more For it’s much too late to get away or turn on the light The spiderman is having you for dinner tonight
And I feel like I’m being eaten By a thousand million shivering furry holes And I know that in the morning I will wake up In the shivering cold
Sometimes music can evoke a primal feel in your heart. Your imagination takes you away on a warrior’s journey where you see yourself in an ancestral form where you stand, spear in hand to go and hunt with your brother to get an elk or caribou to help feed your tribe. Something in you reconnects with nature. A time before cellphone addictions and the rat-race we are cursed with. A time before we got pampered and lazy with shopping centres and hunted for food. If we lose our shopping centres and cellphones, if technology decays will we survive? Be real, most of us are fucked.
Sometimes you need a little music in your life. You need to escape into noise – be it something meditative or something kicking down walls. Listen… do you smell that? It smells like teenage spirit…
Lyrics
Load up on guns, bring your friends It’s fun to lose and to pretend She’s over bored and self-assured Oh, no, I know a dirty word
Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now, entertain us A mulatto, an albino A mosquito, my libido, yeah Hey Yeah
I’m worse at what I do best And for this gift I feel blessed Our little group it’s always been And always will until the end
Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous Here we are now entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now entertain us A mulatto, an albino A mosquito, my libido, yeah Hey Yeah
And I forget, just why I taste Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile I found it hard, it’s hard to find Oh well, whatever, never mind
Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid, and contagious Here we are now, entertain us A mulatto, an albino A mosquito, my libido
A denial, a denial A denial, a denial A denial, a denial A denial, a denial A denial
monologues: a wolfie perspective on a So-called life
these are my thoughts, they are not right or wrong, they are mine.
“Believe in magic, believe in lore, legends and myths, and the Hand that guides.” ‘Deliverance’ The Mission U.K.
I believe in the spiritual and divine. No need to put labels or names to God or Gods, Heaven or Hells. I have lived long enough, 51 years at the writing of this pondering, and experienced enough to know that there is a Hand that guides us all. A prayer answered in a time of need, a protective presence felt in a dark moment, man has many words for there and so have I.
I also believe in dark and evil forces, sometimes I see them every day, the evil in the world. But also I am not going to cry ‘Devil!’ at every fucked up situation, we humans can be evil and don’t need the existence of a satan, in the moment to prove that, sadly. Too many innocent people were murdered in the name of a god, by evil men ‘serving god.’
Is there evil? Yes. Is there a God, a force of light? Yes. Do people abuse the knowledge that they may or may not exist for evil purposes? Sadly yes.
I do not trust religion or religious people. I trust in my relationship with the Hand that guides me to the light. And I believe in magic, we all need a little Disney fairy lights in our lives, after all.
monologues: a wolfie perspective on a So-called life
these are my thoughts, they are not right or wrong, they are mine.
“Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That is part of what it means to be alive” Kafka on the Shore Haruki Murakami
“Never to have suffered would never to have been blessed.” From ‘Mesmeric Revolutions’ 1849 Edgar Allan Poe
We all, I think have a personal view on what a meaningful life should be. For some, it is to ascend in a spiritual sense perhaps to reach nirvana, to some a religious sense by living in the shadow of their religious convictions. Personally, I believe in the experience in life, learning from the bad days you have suffered, and personal losses you have endured, but also learning from the good days and that which you have gained in life, and applying all those life lessons in the here and now and in the days to come.
Life is a journey, might as well learn from it for tomorrow’s road ahead. A meaningful life is to take the meaning of every moment like a good sandwich and eat it slowly, chewing on every suffering, pain, blessing, gift, and curse and tasting it, savouring it and acknowledging each one as a vitamin that fed your soul. The soul grows, the soul learns and other people can benefit from your foolishness or wisdom. The meaningfulness of life to me is to learn, give and live. Be alive, always, on your terms. It is your life. Your experiences count for something and if someone does not acknowledge it, they do not deserve you.
monologues: a wolfie perspective on a So-called life
these are my thoughts, they are not right or wrong, they are mine.
I do believe in an ultimate source of morality but it is not religion. I think religion can poison morality. Some religious people think having tattoos, wearing makeup or having a yin-yang symbol on clothes are amoral. They take something they don’t understand, something that is not even mentioned in their bible or holy scripture, stick the amoral stamp on it and harass the poor bastard that does not fit their religious views. Author Arthur C. Clarke said:” The greatest tragedy in mankind’s entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion.”
I think that because some organized religions warped morality many people became atheists. I don’t just think it, I have seen dozens of people who left religion because of that. I have been attacked by so-called ‘righteous and religious people’ who did not even try to get to know me first.
I do believe in an ultimate source of morality but it is not religion, it is the soul, that element from within that guides us in knowing right from wrong. If more people listened to that little voice within, maybe churches would be fuller and not as empty as they have become in recent years. In a way, self-righteousness killed the beauty of religion.
monologues: a wolfie perspective on a So-called life
these are my thoughts, they are not right or wrong, they are mine.
‘It’s hard to tell the difference between sea and sky. Between voyager and sea. Between reality and the workings of the heart.’ Kafka, Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
‘A lie travels around the world while the truth is putting her boots on.’ Edgar Allan Poe
Truth can be as deceptive as lies. We lie to ourselves every day. If we are in dire need of affirmation we bring a spark of hope into being that can be a lie we shape into truth. I do not mean hope is wrong. Hope is a survival tool in a world that is in desperate need of it. A friend is sick and you lie that he is going to be okay, giving him a spark of hope, hoping that they will be. Like truth, lies can give strength in times of weakness. Truth is shaped from the same place as lies, from within.
We all look to our gods for hope, truth and strength whether your god is an actual Deity, a YouTube video, approval (believe me seeking approval can be a religion, in my own humble opinion) or whichever ‘god’ you turn to for truth.
The nature of truth is that it is a shapeshifter. People say “I am living my truth” or “I am speaking my truth”. That type of truth can be a lie you tell yourself. Proof that truth changes shape.
You said/ Julle sê